


shattered

by melyssamalik



Category: Glee, One Direction (Band), Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depressing, Depression, F/M, Music, Sad, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-18
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 04:46:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/807412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melyssamalik/pseuds/melyssamalik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jade was a fragile girl who was broken beyond fixing, a lamp that had been dropped too many times and needed to be disposed of.  That is, until she met zayn. He was the glue that kept her together. They were so different but they loved eachother more than you could imagine. The universe wanted to keep Jade and Zayn apart, but they just won't have it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. diagnosis

**Author's Note:**

> im a terrible writer and this is my first fic, probably no one will read this, bye.

I'll never forgot the day I was diagnosed. My stepmom came into my bedroom at 8am and shoved me in the shoulder, awaking me from my sleep. "Get up" she growled, her cold blue eyes blazing. I knew better than to argue. I shrugged on a pale blue hoodie , some track pants and my converse, and hiked down the stairs. The car ride there was normal enough. I remember the song "when I was your man" by bruno mars was playing, the morning sky was a depressingly dull gray, and there was a tiny chip in the window of my dad's honda. After about 5 minutes of driving, it finally dawned on my sleep deprived brain that I had no idea where we were even going. "So.. Where did you say we were going again?" She craned her neck and stared at me for three full seconds, and under her gaze I felt like the way a cell might feel while it was being carefully inspected through a microscope. "The doctor's office. Your father seems to believe you're" She paused.".....mentally unstable." she responded after what felt like a life time. She said the words mentally unstable with such disgust, that I somehow felt even smaller. "Oh" I responded, barely audible. For the rest of the car ride, I stared out the window counting how many red cars I saw. 9. There were 9 red cars that morning. We got to the doctor's office and Claire signed me in. I plopped down in a plastic seat and put all my efforts into keeping my thoughts from wandering to a bad place. Why did my father think I was "mentally unstable"? I'd tried so hard to hide it. Sure, my grades had been dropping lately and I've stopped going out with friends on weekends, but aside from that I thought I'd done a decent job at hiding it. After ten minutes of flipping through parenting magazines in the waiting room, a nurse in a flower print outfit came out and called my name in a nasally voice. "Jade Wells?" I stood, awkwardly tugging on my too-big hoodie. "Uh, that's me." I replied shyly. Claire nodded to the nurse and followed her into the room, leaving me to trail behind them. First, she weighed me. I was mortified. The number on the scale made my chest tighten and my hazel eyes fill up with tears. I was led to another room where I was told to wait for Doctor Parsons. 10 minutes later, a short, balding man who I assumed was Dr. Parsons walked in, bearing a humongous smile that seemed to take up his entire face. "You must be Jade!" He proclaimed in a loud voice. I nodded my head slowly. "So I hear you've been feeling a little down lately?" He was still smiling. I decided in that moment that Dr. Parsons was the kind of person who never stopped smiling. "I guess." I said, staring at the tiled floor. "Is there anything you can tell me about how you've been feeling?" He asked eagerly, his loud voice booming. I wondered if Claire could hear him speaking from the next room over. I opened my mouth to reply with a simple "I don't know" before I stopped myself. I barely knew this guy, why should I lie to him? "I just feel like.." I paused, chewing on my bottom lip, which had always been a nervous habit of mine. "Like nobody would care if I was gone. Like, everyone is born with a purpose, right? But I feel like I'm just... Not. I'm not important to anybody. I'm just sad all the time. I don't like myself, that's all." I could feel my ears reddening and I avoided making eye contact with him. Dr. Parsons responded with a simple "hmmm." He asked me a few questions about my life, my friends, what I was like at school, if I was taking any drugs. I answered all of them truthfully- except for the questions about my family. I had to go through some tests, until, eventually I was told that I was severely depressed and I had something called bipolar disorder. I should've been surprised, but to tell you the truth I really wasn't. I finally had an explanation for why my moods changed so rapidly, and why I was so sad all the time. As we were getting ready to leave the pharmacy where I had to pick up my medication, I asked Claire if I could go to the mall. She hesitated, running her scaly hands through her short brown bob. "I don't see why not." She answered in monotone. As we pulled up to the entrance of the mall and I tugged on the door handle to leave, Claire grabbed my arm. "Jade, sweetie, you didn't tell him anything you're going to regret, did you?" I felt her grip tightening. I shook my head quickly, trying to swallow my fear. She stared at me a beat longer, before loosening her grip on my arm and clutching both hands on the steering wheel. "Have fun at the mall, Jade. I'll pick you up in a few hours." She said sourly, staring straight forward. I nodded, making my way into the crowded mall, happy to be away from her. The mall was alive and buzzing with people. This was why I liked coming to the mall on saturdays. There were so many eager shoppers, so absorbed in their own lives. It was the perfect place to just disappear for a while. I instinctively headed to my favourite store, Marrell's Book Shop. Marrell wasn't there that day, which I was secretly relieved about, since I was in such a defeated mood. The Book Shop had always been my safe place. Name any book in the universe, they have it. There was never a soul in there, which always left me wondering how they were still in business. I decided on an old book called "The Deception of Perfection" and settled in an old, worn beanbag chair at the far corner of the store. The book smelled of old, yellowed pages, and burning incense, two of my favourite scents. Just as I started the first page, a voice interrupted me. "That's a great read." Said a voice that belonged to a pair of burgundy vans. I followed my gaze upward, taking in the stranger before me. He had a thin build, but nicely toned biceps. His eyelashes were enviously long and they surrounded the most entrancing chocolate brown eyes I had ever seen. He had smooth, tanned skin and his dark brown hair was messily arranged atop his head. He was hot, there was absolutely no denying it. I wasn't quite sure how to respond, so I said something really stupid. "What are you doing here?" He looked at me, then laughed. God, he had a nice smile. I noticed the way one of his bottom teeth overlapped the other in a perfectly imperfect way. "I didn't realize you owned the place." He responded. Coming from anyone else, it would have been taken as a rude comment. But when sexy book shop boy (as I had decided to call him) said it, he said it with such an impossibly perfect smile on his face that I knew he had only good intentions. "Sorry" I finally answered, coming out of my nervous trance. "It's just.. No one ever comes here, that's all." Sexy book shop boy shrugged, looking around at the shelves laced with books. "What can I say? I love to read." He said, smirking. "In fact," he continued, plopping down in the beanbag chair next to me. "I want to be an english teacher some day." Now THAT was interesting. "Really?" I asked, curious. "Why?" He inched closer to me, staring into my eyes and licking his soft lips. It seemed as if he was going to kiss me. Suddenly, he pulled away, stood up and scrambled down one of the aisles. I was confused, and a little hurt. Was he really just going to leave? Maybe I was dumb for thinking me might want to talk to me. A few moments later, he returned, a slight smile pasted on his angelic features. In his large, smooth hands, he carried a book titled "The Beauty in Oblivion." I knew the book. It was one of my favourites. Before I could say anything, Book Shop boy cracked open the book to a random page. He started reading. "I'd never seen anything quite like it.." He started. He had the perfect voice for reading. "The beauty of her. The squint she took in her brown eyes when the sun was too bright. The way she hummed to herself when she thought no one was looking. Even the way she walked was beautiful. She walked as if she were an angel, tiptoeing across clouds of white silk, instead of just an old concrete sidewalk. And.." He paused again looking directly at me. "She had this way of speaking. It made me feel as if the whole world could stop right then and there, the universe itself could fold into total oblivion, and it wouldn't matter. Because she was speaking, and it could have been about dog food or world peace. As long as she was speaking, my soul could feel like souls were made to be felt." Book shop boy closed the book, setting it down beside him and looking down. "That's my favourite book." I said, hoping I didn't make it too obvious that those words still left me buzzing with emotions demanding to be recognised. His gaze drifted towards me, landing directly on my face. I immediately felt insecure. I wasn't even wearing makeup. I must have look absolutely horrific. He broke into a smile. "That's why I want to be an english teacher. Have you ever heard the quote 'books are proof that humans are capable of working magic'? Well, that's how I feel. I love to read and write. And I love kids. Being an english teacher seems... Ideal." I nodded, understanding completely. "What else do you love?" I pushed, feeling a sudden desire to know everything about this boy. He looked at me. "I love sunsets. And old cars. I love typewriters and I love surfing the internet for hours every day." I laughed at that. "But more than anything, I love.. Music." He tugged on his guns 'n roses t-shirt. "I've never told anyone that." He stated simply. "I think that's cool." I said. He chuckled softly, tilting his head up to look at me. "You don't have to lie." I shook my head. "No, I'm serious. How often do you meet total strangers in empty book stores who like sunsets, reading, and music? It's.." I paused. "It's cool. Very cool." He laughed, shoving me playfully in the shoulder. "Not very often, I'm assuming?" I smiled. It was the first time I had genuinely smiled in weeks. "So... I've been calling you Book Shop boy for the past hour?" I said, hoping he'd take the hint. "Zayn." He responded. "My name's Zayn." I paused, letting his name course through my mind. It was exotic and mysterious, much like the boy himself. It suited him. "I'm Jade, by the way." I said, wondering if he even cared to know my name. "Jade." He repeated, holding my gaze. "Jade." I replied. "Can I see your phone, Jade?" I handed him my samsung flip phone, wondering for a brief second if he was going to steal it. After all, I knew nothing about Zayn. Aside from the fact that he loved typewriters and old cars. He typed something into my phone, then stood up to leave. "It was very nice meeting you, Jade." Zayn said, turning. "Very, very nice." He muttered. I couldn't tell if I was meant to hear that last bit or not. All I could think was how weak my knees felt. His gravelly voice echoed in my head, leaving room for no bad thoughts. I knew in that moment that it wouldn't be the last time I saw Zayn. And judging by the butterflies swimming in my stomach, I wasn't complaining at all.


	2. mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade- master of bad timing and mistakes. Zayn doesn't know what he's getting himself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this I love you so so much and please leave a comment even a negative comment would be nice thankss

I spent the next two hours feeling like I was floating on a cloud. What had gotten into me? I'd never felt this way about anyone, especially someone I'd just met. I ended up buying the book Zayn had read, even though I already had a copy at home. The rush that boy gave me was what I imagined it felt like to be high. I didn't want anything to sabotage my mood, so I texted Claire that I would just walk home. After 20 minutes, she still hadn't responded so I grabbed my book and took off on the way towards my house. There's a shortcut through the forest that not many people know about, so I chose to walk that way. The forest was a safe place for me. I didn't have to worry about stress, school, my "family" issues, or feeling like a loser. In the forest, I was queen. The tall trees blocked the sun in an enchanting way that made the forest floor transform into a pattern of shimmering gold specks. The forest floor on that particular day reminded me of myself. The majority of it was dark and muddy, just like me. But if you looked a little closer, there was beauty in it. Deep inside, I believed I had a meaning. I believed something about my soul was beautiful, just like the flecks of gold sunlight cascading the floor. Maybe it just took the right person to see it. Maybe that person was Zayn. Or maybe I was a fool for thinking he might see something in me. I figured that I still had plenty of time left before dinner started, so I made a stop at the local ice cream shop. My thoughts kept me occupied so that the walk home seemed to go by faster than usual. As I made my way up the driveway to my 2 story brick house, I sensed something was off. My dad's car was in the driveway already. Shouldn't he still be at work? I gingerly opened the door, trying to picture the best scenario in my head. It was a game I had always played with myself when I felt hopeless. Maybe they were throwing me a surprise party? I tried to quietly escape to my room, but it was no use. Claire and my Dad were sitting in darkness on the living room couch. "Come sit, Jade." I heard Claire's voice say. I made my way over to the couch and sat cautiously on the edge. I kept telling myself that, any second now, people were going to jump out and yell "SURPRISE!" But that never happened. Instead, I was greeted by a forceful slap to the left side of my face. I held my hand up to my cheek. It stung with the imprint of Claire's hand. My dad just shook his head, saying nothing. Nothing to defend his only daughter. I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks, but did nothing to stop them. I deserved this. I was worthless. My own dad didn't love me. "Stop crying. You're pathetic." Claire spat at me. Once again, my dad sat frigid and still, saying nothing. It was at that exact moment that she noticed the sticky icecream sandwich wrapper crumpled in my hand. A wicked expression crossed over her face. "OH, so THIS is why you're an hour late? Of course you had to stop for your little icecream break. You disgusting pig. You should be disgusted with yourself." And I was. I wanted to puke all of my contents of my stomach out. Claire chucked the wrapper at my tear stained face. I kept thinking to myself that I would rather be dead than sitting on this couch at that exact moment. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? When a situation is so terrible that you feel like dying is the only escape. Claire took a deep, shuddering breath and clutched my dad's hand in her own. "Jade, honey, we were very worried about you. We have big big news! But , you see, jade, you were an hour late. And that's just not acceptable, is it?" I shook my head, trying to disguise my tears. "I- I texted you that I would be walking home." I finally managed to choke out. Claire froze, considering. "Oh, and I'm supposed to have my cell phone strapped to me at all times? You should know better, Jade. Stop making excuses." I nodded, because I was afraid if I tried to speak I would start crying again. "Anyways," Claire continued, glancing at my dad. "I'm..." She paused for affect, flashing a giddy smile at my dad. "I'm expecting!" She exclaimed. My stomach sunk. No. No, this could not be happening. Not now, not ever. "Expecting... What, exactly?" I stammered. Claire's face fell. "A baby, silly!" It felt like someone had taken a vacuum and sucked all the air out of my chest. I was frozen in place. Images of the horrible devil baby swam through my head. It would have Claire's ugly pointed chin, my dad's big nose, and her ice-cold eyes. It was just too much to handle. One Claire was already enough stress, but a demonic miniature replica of her seemed so much worse. I pictured another kid growing up like me. Like they wanted to die. I forced myself to see a human LIFE growing like a poisonous seed inside of her. It was all too much. I grabbed my phone and ran out the door, and I didn't stop running until I was deep inside the forest. It was then that I let it all out. I fell to the ground, clutching my chest to try and stop the sour tightening it had led on. Cold, wet tears rolled down my shirt and spilled into my mouth. I crawled to a bush and threw up the ice cream sandwich I had eaten earlier. I lied back down on the forest floor. From this angle, it wasn't so beautiful. I lied there for a while, contemplating what I did to deserve this. It felt like a big, gaping hole of emptiness replaced where my heart should have been. A sudden, dim thought flickered in my mind. Earlier at the book store... Zayn had typed something into my phone. I was sure of it. I flipped my phone open and searched through my contacts until I got to the bottom, where his name-- which started with a "z"-- should have been. But it wasn't. He was probably so happy to get away from me. No wonder he didn't leave his number. I continued scrolling through my contact list anyway, just in case I missed something. And then I saw it. Right between Ben and Bonnie, was "Book Shop Boy." I laughed when I saw that. And then I started crying again. I was an absolute wreck. So then, like I always do, I made a huge mistake. I pressed the call button. It rang twice before Zayn picked up. "Hello?" I heard his tired voice say. Shit. It was 10:30, I had probably woken him up. "Zayn?" I asked, my voice cracking embarrassingly. "Speaking." He responded. I could hear him suck in a breath from behind the other side of the phone. "Jade? Is that you?" I nodded, but then I remembered he couldn't see me nodding so I said "Yeah. It is" and then I started bawling again. "Jade. Where are you?" Zayn asked in his deep voice. I don't know why, but for some reason I said "The forest." Zayn paused and then said "Okay. Stay there." I wondered briefly if the slight pause was because he accidentally nodded too. I found a bench and lay on my side, hugging my body for warmth, and closing my eyes that were swollen with tears. After a while, my breathing slowed, and my heart rate returned to slow and steady beats. As I drifted off into a deep dream, I wondered to myself if dying would be as peaceful as sleeping was.


End file.
